wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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