Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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