you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont even know how to be here
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
