i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
