shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
