I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
