I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
