What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
