i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
