Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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