You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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