My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
