Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
