we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
