I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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