I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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