and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
