her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
