If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
