2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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