i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
