somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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