Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
