You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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