we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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