I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
