Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
