I can text with my tongue
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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