Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
