I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
