I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
