somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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