I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
