I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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