Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
