I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
