You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
