I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
