Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
