hell yes lets make some ravioli
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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