We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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