Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
