If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
