I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
