That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
