I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
