dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
