we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
