I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
