we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
